It is Time to Die.
The Advent season began yesterday. Advent is a season in the Liturgical Calendar where we are called to prepare our hearts for the second coming of Christ. Adventus is quite literally Latin for “coming”.
Advent isn’t just some made-up time of the year. It has been celebrated since as early as 480 AD as a time for Christians to fast, pray, and ask for forgiveness as we prepare our hearts for Christmas.
Instead, it has become a time where we spend, indulge, and distract ourselves as we prepare the way for the largest commercial holiday of the year. I don’t say this to demonize our secular culture but more to bring awareness to our actions.
This is something I have personally been meditating on since around October of this year. It was then that the lights went from orange to red and candy canes began to decorate the street poles at local shopping centers. Immediately, my mind flickered to “Oh crap! Christmas is around the corner. I have a lot I have to do”. The thought was quickly followed by “What does Christmas even mean anymore? I remember when this was my favorite holiday and now I can’t remember the last Christmas that felt special.”
Triggered, I meditated on how I could make this year different. The words that rang in me were, “I want more intimacy with the Lord this season.” To feel him close. To know He knows me.
Like most people I have struggled with, will God even hear me? Does He even exist? Often when I ask a question like, "How is the Lord inviting me into deeper intimacy with him this advent season?” My next thought would be… “yeah I don’t know and it is all on me to figure it out because the Lord surely will not speak to me.”
Remember He is the still small voice, not the earthquake or the wind (1 Kings 19:12-13). Frustrating, right?
I’ve felt this way for years but since God is a gentleman he slowly invites and leads versus hitting you with a 2 by 4. Throughout the last two years of growing out of depression, I have leaned into the voice of the Lord. Learning from my therapist and Blessed is She that some easy ways that you can identify the voice of the Lord is if it repeats itself. If you hear it three times it’s probably God. If the words spoken are kinder than what you would say to yourself it is probably God.
Knowing this, I journaled one morning in my prayer time and received the most unexpected answer in the most unexpected way.
Hours later I got on a career connect call with a corporate woman that I admire. I began asking her about her career, her children, and how she manages it all. For those wondering, she answered that she doesn’t manage it all well. We are all just people.
However, throughout the conversation, I told her that when I became a mom I felt like I died and began asking her if that happens with every kid. She exclaimed that yes that happened to her with both of her children. The old version of her died and she became something new. In that moment a spark crossed my mind, “I am not ready to die. I can not mourn a person that I don’t know.” Quickly I typed it into my phone. Food for thought for a later time.
Most accurate depiction of how I felt after having my baby.
Not thinking much of it I scrolled over to Youtube and typed in the question I had asked God earlier that day, “How to prepare for advent.” Father Mike Schmitz popped up on the screen. Listening mindlessly suddenly I heard, “You need to prepare to die”. Oh. Let me rewind that real quick.
Giving the video my full attention now I heard the priest continue to explain how we need to prepare our hearts to die if we hope to see Jesus face to face in this season (does seeing Jesus face to face sound like intimacy to anyone else?). Now, preparing to die doesn’t mean that we are all actually going to die on 12/25/2024 - it is an invitation to die to your current self and follow in the footsteps of the Virgin Mary. Meditating and praying on what it would have been like to bear the God-Man and preparing a way for his birth.
Not too long after I transitioned from my spiritual revelation to Instagram. Typical. Scrollin’ my life away I stopped at a picture of someone at a tailor Swift concert. Out of my speaker echoed, “I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, 'cause she's dead”. BOOM. That is 3/3 folks.
God speaks to you in the way He can only speak to you. Yours will be different than mine. The notes of the song rang in my mind letting me know that I had to pay more attention to this. What does it mean to prepare to die?
I began asking myself if I was going to die…
What would I need to change?
Who would I need to forgive?
What legacy would I want to leave behind?
What is still unfinished?
I took a walk with my daughter and began texting myself… If I were to die I wouldn’t be satisfied with…
The way I treat my husband. I would want to be kinder, more loving, and more patient.
I would want to forgive myself. To celebrate myself more the way I am. Tell myself that I am beautiful in the mirror instead of sucking it in and laser-focusing on my stretch marks.
Man, would I want to worry less and trust more.
Focus less on production and the perception of others and more on purpose and being true to myself.
I am not sure if the Lord is inviting you on the same journey but maybe the question promptings I asked myself would be a good place for you to start as you enter into this Advent season. Prepare the way, Sisters. He is coming.
